Unplanned Pregnancy - What do I do now?

MasterMommy

● What are your circumstances? Hearing your doctor say “you're pregnant” can either be a beautiful moment for you or a terrifying one. We’re going to talk about ways to learn to accept and love what’s happening, even if you had no idea it was coming.

Every reader here today is under a different circumstance. For example, some of you may be in a happy relationship, some of you may be under the age of 18, some of you may not know who the father is (guilty here), and others may be questioning if you want to keep the

baby at all. Regardless of your situation, we all have one thing in common, and that is we are fearful, fearful of the unknown future.

The first decision to be made is, are we going to keep the baby? We all have different views on this topic, but I personally would like to encourage you to think very hard about that little heartbeat. I’ve spoken to women myself who have had abortions and still, years later, they remember the date they were told they were pregnant, they remember how old their child should be. It’s something a mother cannot forget.

For the mother’s who didn’t have a plan in the beginning but are now trying to find the right plan to move forward, this is for you.

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● Questions to ask yourself.

After accepting your pregnancy for what it is. We all have a million and one thoughts running through our heads, and nine months to figure it out. (Unless of course you found out a little later and have less) There are things we all need to have cleared up with ourselves and here are a few of the most important.

Do we know who the father is?

If your answer to this question is a definite yes. Then you can skip this section and move on. If your answer is “I don’t know”, “no”, or “maybe”. Then you may want to stick around for this one. To start this off, always remember, no matter what people say or what you think of yourself, you should not feel shameful for not knowing this. According to americanpregnancy.org, “The most recent government statistics show that 40.3% of all births in the United States are to single mothers.” I personally was stuck between two men, both of which I never had a relationship with. I choose to be open about that and share it with you because it’s a real life situation that plenty of women face every day.

Thankful enough, the world has evolved and now has ways to determine your baby’s paternity. I started by taking the estimated due date that my doctor gave me when I first found out and typed it into a conception date calculator to give me an estimate of what days I could pinpoint to try and figure out who I slept with in that certain amount of specific days.

https://www.calculator.net/pregnancy-conception-calculator.html (this is a good one)

Butttt, beware. I did this off of the doctor's best guess of my due date. I had to wait until my first real appointment to know my actual due date. So, I ended up calculating it and it led back to a certain someone. I called them, needless to say, he thought his life was ruined. I can’t say I felt any different at that point. His mom paid for a paternity test and it came back negative for him. I was so embarrassed.

So I go back to the doctor to get my real due date and it ended up calculating for about 10 days later than the guessed due date. So it led back to the right person, which I knew it would be him if it weren’t the other cause those were the only two I slept with that month. Anywaysssssss, the point is, if I were you I’d wait until you get the real due date to start trying to figure things out. Speaking of paternity test, there are a couple different ways to get this test done. There is non-invasive and invasive.

A non-invasive prenatal paternity test can be done as early as 7 weeks. This test is completely safe, there are no risk of hurting the baby through this method. A DNA blood sample is drawn from the mother, and a cheek swab is performed on the father to collect his DNA. The samples are sent to a lab to be analyzed and it takes about a week for the results to come back, depending on who you get it done by. I got my test done at the nearest hospital that provided that kind of service. The pricing is quite high, about $1,700 high, but it was worth it to get both families on the same page where we could finally move forward.

Note : I do not recommend getting an “at-home” test to do yourself, it just lowers the chances of the accuracy in all.

An invasive prenatal paternity test, known as amniocentesis, can be done anywhere from 14-20 weeks. According to healthline.com, “Your doctor will use a long, thin needle to take a sample of amniotic fluid from your uterus through your abdomen. The DNA collected will be compared to a DNA sample from the potential father. Results are 99 percent accurate for establishing paternity.”

This form of testing carries a risk you should be aware of.

•miscarriage by premature labor, water breaking, or infection is not uncommon after an invasive paternity test.

Side effects : - vaginal bleeding

- cramping

- amniotic fluid leakage

- irritation around the injection site

The safest way to get a prenatal paternity test done is to go the non-invasive route. I’ve had two of them done, they take maybe 10 minutes of your time, and they are completely harmless. This will determine who the father of your child is, opening the door to finally begin the journey.

Do we plan to co-parent or make things work?

Keep in mind, you are not ever obligated to be with someone because you are now carrying their child and they are under no contract to have to be with you either. Plenty parents co-parent with their children every day and they do it in a rhythmic matter that works for the family in all. Of course, if you can see a future with this specific person you might as well try.

On the other hand, say you tell them they are the father and they want no part in it, the single mother route is a very beautiful, strong-willed experience as well. I know a number of people who have step-fathers that live for them everyday, one of them being me. There are so many paths, finding the one that’s best for you and your child is important.

Always keep your best interest and the child’s best interest at heart, this may mean putting your personal desires aside. Ask yourself with every aspect of your life, is this what’s best for me and the baby? Or am I saying that to continue to get what I want. It’s time to start following your motherly instincts, not the ones that used to get you what you wanted.

There is so many custody agreements, child support agreements, and legal documents you should be looking at and thinking about throughout your entire pregnancy, so that when the day comes, you and the father (if necessary) will know exactly what you want to happen. Having a plan and a backup plan is always a good thing.

Where do we want to raise a child?

You may have found out while you were still living with your parents, a couple cities away, a couple states away, or in another country as your family. The biggest thing to consider when thinking of where you want to reside, is am I going to be able to receive the support I need?

If you and your family do not talk anymore or you are your family, you should start thinking about getting out and about, and finding people that can be trustworthy for child care. Professionals I mean, explore all of your child care options. I live in Mississippi, and here, depending on your situation, you can get vouchers for either discounted child care or free child care from your local food stamp office.

If you do have a big, supportive family, maybe you should consider moving closer to them for the first year or so of your child’s life to provide you a steady back fall for as long as you need. You’ll need help, that’s just a given. Finding the help you can trust is something that’s a bit more tricky than you’d think.

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● Tips to help you make it through.

- Create a baby registry Amazon has the best resources for a baby registry, but there are plenty of other companies like Target and Walmart that offer effective registries, as well as giving you free gifts to start them.

- Invest in a body pillow

- Have a gender reveal party

Gender reveal parties are so much fun, and they give you the opportunity to include the closest people to you.

- Have a baby shower Of course, this comes a little later in the pregnancy, preferably after you’ve perfected your baby registry. This will hopefully help you financially in the long run.

- Get as much rest as you can

- Stay in shape, but take it easy Staying in shape can feel impossible while you're pregnant but there are thousands of plans to help you keep your stamina. The main reason is it will help you have a fast labor and also the healthier the mommy the healthier the baby.

- Get an exercise ball to stretch

- Read articles about packing hospital bags and postpartum essentials for afterwards

- Stay prepared and keep a clear mind

Good luck mommy's, we got this!